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Some married couples practice ‘outercourse’ for a while, to get comfortable with each other and with the idea of being intimate. Outercourse means sexual play that does not involve putting the man’s penis in the woman’s vagina. It includes hugging and kissing, as well as massaging and stimulating one another’s body with your hands or mouth.

The first time you have intercourse is not likely to be the best time. Don’t expect too much. Many women find it painful or at least uncomfortable the first time they have intercourse. This is normal.Wait until you are well lubricated before you try again.

Sometimes a man may ejaculate before penetration is complete (or satisfying!) This is very common especially. Don’t worry. You can try again. If the ground doesn’t move for you on the first night, there will be other opportunities. Talk to your partner about what makes you feel good.

For some couples it just doesn’t work in the beginning. Your vagina may seem too tight and your partner may ejaculate or lose his erection before he can get inside. Don’t put too much pressure on yourselves. Getting upset is likely to make you more tense and exaggerate the problem.

One solution is to not try to have intercourse the next few times you are intimate with your partner. Instead, encourage him to put his fingers in your vagina. This may help stretch the vagina and will let you get comfortable with having something inside you. When you are ready to try again, use lots of lubricant to help ease the penis into the vagina.

If you continue to have problems, talk to your doctor or to the people at the clinic where you get your birth control. They may be able to help or at least reassure you that nothing is wrong.

Talk to your partner. He needs to know what you are feeling. He may also be feeling insecure if your sex life isn’t everything you both hoped for. Satisfying sex may take patience and encouragement, but couples that are attentive to each other’s pleasure can usually work it out with time.